menial | 4 ~ I have never believed in Santa, ever. [audio]

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4 ~ I have never believed in Santa, ever. [audio]

...So, it's getting close to the end of the month again, but nothing weird seems to be happening. Or am I missing something? Anyone know if we might just be getting a reprieve or something? Or maybe I just shouldn't look the gift horse in the mouth.

['Because I don't believe in the Malnosso being Santa Claus to us.'

However, that's not the main purpose for this post; instead, he goes on with a filter he worked for a while on. Ideally, Asakura won't suspect it at all.]

[filtered to Shiki, Minato, Winry, Rise, SOS Brigade members who have interacted with him before, and other close-enough CR (PM me if you're not sure) // 55%]

Yo. If you guys have seen a girl with blue hair who smiles a lot, by the name of Ryoko Asakura... Well, I guess I've got something to ask of you if you do attract her attention, but I'd rather not put it on the journal, so please talk to me if you've met her.

['So what if that makes it seem like I might have a crush on her? Better that than someone hacks it and realizes that I know what Asakura is.']

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

...Last year, what?

['Cause that sounds more ominous than saying it probably is.']

Last... Last year was complicated. Everyone forgot we knew it was an experiment going in.

So what was it?

The... same as all the others. Just including Threesomes.

['...............................']

['It was probably two guys.']

...Well, let's hope the trend doesn't continue.

It's a four year tradition, it's not just going to change.

['At the least, the trend of the expansion of numbers is what I was thinking, but whatever.']

Okay, so lock yourself in your room and don't come out.

If you remember, anyway. And even that's not perfect - but! I'm going to be doing something like that.

Good for you. I know how much the thought of being wracked by the mental illness that is love must disgust you.

Y...yeah. [There's brief but very awkward pause] Yeah, pretty much.

['"Pretty much?" What's going on here now? Do I detect a change in Haruhi Suzumiya policy towards that unfortunate emotion? Because seriously, that is just too much. Sasaki was telling me about that in middle school, and her, too, and now, I mean, what?']

Got a different opinion now?

[...Sigh]

It's still a Mental Disorder. There's an infection that goes on in people in which love takes over their lives and makes them do all sorts of unfortunate things. But like I said to you a long time ago, it's not like people don't get urges - it's not like I don't either. And furthermore...

[This is... a lot harder than she thought. But somehow, being pissed at him makes it easier]

...Furthermore, if you get passed the sort of superficial nonsense and ridiculous expectations people attribute to it, it isn't terrible.

['First of all, go screw yourself, Koizumi, and take the inner Koizumi with you.']

['Second... "Isn't"?'

He says the next part slowly.]

Am I to assume that you're speaking from personal experience now?

I- [Just breathe. In fact, don't be meek. You've been sounding meek too much on this subject. Breathe, compose yourself, stand up for what you know to be true now]

I am, actually!

['A...ha.

']

['Really, I could be relieved that Haruhi is now openly admitting that she's mentally ill.']

['On the other hand, how could something like this not have come up, up to this point?!

What does it even mean? Is she particularly attached to her pet chicken? As much as I'd like to bury my head in the sand, she clearly means some guy from context; but I haven't met any guy here who I would suspect along those lines. I mean, what kind of person would put up with her, even?

Understand, this isn't really a matter that affects me in any sense. She's not "my" Haruhi in any sense of the term, and we all know that already. Hell, Asahina-san is here, so really my concern for Haruhi's affairs can be diminished to the point of a pin in the glare of the sun.

However, at the very least, it's gotta have a bearing on my ability to get out of here and back to the regular Brigade...!

So I ask again: Who the hell is she talking about?']

So what should I say? Congratulations? Who are you talking about, anyway?

Why on Earth what you say congratulations?! That's just a weird custom to begin with - if someone's confessed the other party says yes, maybe then or maybe when you ask them out, but when it's been a thing for a while congrats is just really unnecessary and annoying. For that matter, Kyon, it's not like I'm that sort of obnoxious girl who spreads their affairs all over everyone else! It's a complicated situation that people find themselves in when they're prey to that disorder called love and the ones who can't keep their wits about them are the absolute worst, disgusting! I mean look at Xion at her worst or how people in those soap operas are!

['If this weren't on the journal, I have a feeling I would have a sharp finger poking me in the chest right now. What I garnered from all that is that Haruhi doesn't want to tell me who it is.']

Well, I'm not trying to have your affairs, uh, spread all over me... ['In fact, in the literal sense, I can think of few things I want less...'] ...but it still seems like something important in your life that might warrant at least explaining who or what you mean.

['"What" she means? I mean, I would be relieved if she were talking about a ...

Was I really just about to think "I would be relieved if she were talking about a vibrator"?

I need to go wash my brain with acid.']

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